Part of the Aquarion And LoneCat debarcle

Three months on. (July 27th)

LoneCat has found a new boyfriend, who is Austrailian, Athletic and a number of other things I’m not. He’s also a roleplayer. You can guess where.

I’m still dithering.

I’m half-heartedly checking sites for how much it would cost to live in Bedford, weighing this up against the fact that I like living in Letchworth and dislike Bedford and am therefore on the verge of also looking for new jobs more in the London or Cambridge area of the world. This would be a mistake as the job I’ve got is a good one and looks to be going places, and I’ve got to work pretty hard to avoid leaping from this lillypad to a new one merely because it looks more shiny.

Also, I decided when LC told me about the new BF that I wasn’t going to be in any fit state to make a decision for at least a month, and I’ve still got two weeks to run on that.

So, the question is, what do I do? I really, really hate being an angsting mess, so part one is probably to stop being so, but I value friendships over sanity, I suppose, so I’m reluctant to run away and sacrifice my friendship with LC merely because I’m too clingy. Gah.

(Two weeks later)

Lets stop creating new pages and update the ones we’ve got.

So, One Month. The current plan is to stick here until January and then get the fuck out. In an ideal world I’d move now (There’s a nice flat in Bedford that would be perfect), but in the first place I can’t afford to move (Although I’m down to two out of four credit cards maxed, and since it’s the beginning of the month I’m not in my overdraft) I stop paying LC back next month, and can then get down to putting money away for a deposit and buying such things as a bed (Most of the furniture in the house is LoneCat’s). The second reason is sappier. The not-giving-a-flying-fuck about your life thing doesn’t go both ways (I just had to cancel a gathering here because LC is going to Wolves instead. This is despite the gathering being organised months ago and the invitation coming day before yesterday. I’m a little bitter). And I can’t abandon LC while she doesn’t know if she’ll be working next month (yay contracts) and will probably have to move in with her grandparents again, and whilst I may be angry with her, I’m not that angry.

The third reason is the slightly less logical fact that I’ve moved every year for the past five or so, and want 2005 to be the year that I break that.

Though if she gets stability and I get a cash injection, you won’t see me for dust.

(Does that sound saner? It is, a bit. I am, a bit. I still love her, but I’ve never been good at letting go completely, but I don’t think I can actually forgive her. So we move on, learn our lessons, black out the events behind us, and keep walking)