Aquarionics Wiki

windows7 beta

In which Aquarion attempts to install Windows 7

Act One - The Morning

[Aquarion] Hello Windows 7 Beta Site, how are you?\ [Windows 7 Beta Site] - 200 OK, sir. Can I supply you with a fresh download media?\ [Aquarion] Fetch hither the download with all haste, my good site.\ [W7BS] … it\'s a bit… big, sir.\ [Aquarion] I like it big. I positively delight in downloads of superior size, and I cannot tell untruth.\ [W7BS] I think it\'s bigger than you expected, sir…\ [Aquarion] I don\'t care how fucking big it is, bring me the download with all speed.\ [W7BS] Oh. We can\'t sir. IE isn\'t capable of downloading 2.8 gig files. I can give you a Java downloader\ [Aquarion] … I\'m not using IE.\ [W7BS] It\'s a very nice Java downloader. Waffer thin.\ [Aquarion] … We\'ve just jumped sketches again. I\'m a firefox user. I use firefox. Your puny downloads are no match for my modern browser. GIVE ME THE FUCKING ISO.\ [W7BS] … It\'s a nice java downloader. It downloads the ISO. And it\'ll resume if the connection fails. It\'s really neat.\ [Aquarion] … Fine. Java. Do it.\ [W7BS] Do you want to give permission to applications from Microsoft corporation to fuck over your computer for all time?\ [Aquarion] Fuck no. Just this once.\ [W7BS] downloads

Act Two: The Evening.

[Aquarion] Is Home.\ [Windows7] Is Downloaded.\ [Aquarion\'s Network] WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? IS THAT THE BETA OF A MICROSOFT OPERATING SYSTEM? FUCK NO, MOTHERFUCKER. NOT ON MY WATCH. YOU WILL NEVER TAKE OUR DISK SPACE, MOTHERFUCKER. FUCK THAT. FUCK OFF , FUCK YOU.\ [Internet] fails\ [Main machine] fails\ [Spare Hard Drive] fails\ [Firewall] crashes\ [XBOX] Fails in sympathy\ [Aquarion] despairs

[Aquarion] reboots\ [Network] lives\ [Windows] Okay, Where do you want to go today?\ [Aquarion] Burn that DVD image.\ [Windows] Fuck no. What do I look like, Vista? No.\ [Aquarion] downloads more software\ [Windows] Right. DVD burning. Okay.\ [Windows] burns DVD\ [Aquarion] backs up the universe. Makes sure spare computer is working. Decreases universe\'s tendancy to irony WRT backups\ [WIndows] Done.\ [Aquarion] Good. Go away.\ [Windows] shuts down

Act III: Install

[Aquarion] swaps hard drives over. Real XP HDD is NOWHERE NEAR Windows 7\ [Computer] boots from DVD\ [Aquarion] YAY!\ [Computer] You understand this is a beta and will fuck you up, right?\ [Aquarion] understands\ [Computer] Do you want to install a new version of Windows, or upgrade the old one?\ [Aquarion] wants new install\ [Computer] Noted. Now. Which hard drive do you want to install it on. I can\'t see any hard drives.\ [Aquarion] … what?\ [Computer] No hard drives here. Do you want to install some drivers? You can install drivers if you like.\ [Aquarion] SATA, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?\ [Computer] Could do. Got any drivers?\ [Aquarion] Right. Okay. Yes. Browse for drivers.\ [Computer] Okay, where are your drivers? There\'s a DVD over here, or that memory card, or the hard drive over here.\ [Aquarion] …. wut?\ [Computer] It\'s a rather nice hard drive. Got directories on it and everything. Are the drivers on it?\ [Aquarion] … scan for possible install locations again?\ [Computer] … Nope. Nothing. Drivers plz?\ [Aquarion] … Drivers…\ [Computer] … which could be on that hard drive over there.

[Aquarion] Right. Summon Boot CD. LINUX?!\ [Linux] SIR YES SIR?\ [Computer] There\'s no need to be hasty…\ [Aquarion] LINUX: BOOT THAT COMPUTER.\ [Linux] SIR! YES SIR!\ [Computer] Hang on, wait, can\'t we discuss this? Please? I could find some dri… No! CMOS FUCK DON\'T PUT THAT MEMORY THERE IT WON\'T FIT AND I…. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHAT THE SCSI DID YOU DO TO MY NETWORK CARD? Okay… ow… you know we should set up some kind of safe woARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH GET IT OUT GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT TAKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FINGERS OUT OF MY DAMNED BOOT RECORD OR I\'LL REPORT YOU TO KNUTH. Dear bios that hurt.

[Computer] pants What… do.. you.. waaaaaaant noooooow?\ [Aquarion] Repartition that hard drive.\ [Computer] WHAT FUCKING HARD DRIVE. I SEE NO FUCKING HARD DRIVE, MOTHERFUCKER. THERE IS NO HARD DRIVE HERE, NOT A HARD DRIVE IN SIGHT I SEE NO HARD DRIVES ONLY SHIPS.\ [Aquarion] … but it\'s there plugged in! You saw it on boot! I KNOW YOU CAN SEE IT.\ [Computer] Not. On. My. Watch. Mother. Fucker.

[Aquarion] … gives in. Right. Fine. Here\'s the old hard drive with XP on it. Don\'t defrag it all at once.\ [Computer] What hard drive?\ [Aquarion] ….\ [Computer] Kidding.